The New Indian Bride is super excited about today’s post! I was asked by my friends at Two Mangoes, a refreshingly modern online South Asian dating site, to be a guest blogger. It took about two seconds for me to say “Yes!” and another two seconds to come up with my topic – dating advice from a married mango. For all The New Indian Brides-to-be, this one is for you. Enjoy!
This mango isn’t looking for love. I found it, dated it, left it, returned to it and then I married it.
It’s been nearly a year since I married My Leading Man but I am still not able to fully distance myself from all the years as a singleton, dating, searching, longing, hoping and praying to find love. I was single for 12 years before I met my now husband (16 if you count high school). There were lots of fellas along the way but my one true love eluded me until my 30s.
I did it all in the hopes of finding Prince Charming. I doled up in short skirts and low tops hoping he would pick that one random night to find me at that one random club. I let Indian Aunties tell me about their teetotaler nephew working in “computers”. I visited pundits to tell me my fate. Showed the lines on my hands to anyone who claimed an iota of knowledge. I wrote a witty profile and posted it on all the Indian dating sites. I dated friends of cousins, friends of colleagues, friends of enemies, enemies of friends. I did it all. But I realize now that I did it all wrong.
Perhaps my 12 years of single life (or 16 depending on when you start counting) would have been shorter if I knew what to look for. As a Married Mango, there are lots of qualities a husband should have that we don’t always look for when we are dating. As a singleton, I cared more about superficial stuff – how hot, how tall, how much money, how he dances, is he cool, do my friends think he’s cool, do we go to amazing restaurants and does he take me on over the top “The Bachelor” worthy dates. I didn’t care about reality. I cared only about the fantasy that Hollywood and Bollywood projects about dating and romance.
Now that I am married, I realize the dates with helicopter rides over the Golden Gate Bridge are fun but what I really need is a guy who knows how to make each and every day of our lives special. A guy with whom I can enjoy life’s simple pleasures. Someone to have fun lazing on the couch watching sports or HGTV with. Someone who I can cook with, garden with, roam through the farmers market with, enjoy my first cup of coffee with, pick out furniture with, sip a glass of pino grigio in the backyard with on a hot summer day, someone who blends with my family and I with his, someone to solve problems with, to deal with life’s struggles with, to make shared goals with. Someone who can make day-to-day living just as enjoyable as running away to Paris for the weekend.
Being married is more like The Amazing Race than The Bachelor. There are obstacles, challenges, roadblocks, do overs all through life. Who do you want by your side when you have to climb the mountain? Will you carry him? Will he carry you? Will you go hand in hand together? That is life. That is married life.
So on your next date, instead of gazing into the person’s eyes fantasizing about exotic vacations try to gaze into your date’s soul to see if all the superficiality were stripped away, is this someone who you can live a life with for all the good and bad that it brings.
***Follow Two Mangoes on Twitter @twomangoes and visit them online at www.twomangoes.com. Happy dating everyone! ***